


To save your body I might have to break your soul

by TopsyKretts



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:22:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopsyKretts/pseuds/TopsyKretts
Summary: Teresa thinks Thomas could hold the key to the cure, only not in his blood. Thomas believes she's gone crazy, but desperate to save Newt, he would try anything. Even if it means to do something unforgivable.
Relationships: Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 54





	To save your body I might have to break your soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first attempt to a Newtmas fic, so please be gentle 🙈 I'll appreciate any likes and comments you want to leave and I also would love to know if by the end you want a second chapter or not. To me this could be a stand alone fic but more would be nice too, maybe 😄
> 
> Ok, that's all, oh that and that English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in advance 🙈
> 
> Now that's it, I hope you enjoy this.

"Did you sleep with her?" Teresa asked him and Thomas wished he could see a trace of jealousy in her look. But there was none. Nothing. Not a single emotion other than pure interest and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit of hope.

"Thomas! Did you sleep with her?" She asked again with urgency when no reply came.

"Yes! Ok? I did." He said, turning around ready to leave. But for some reason, he didn't. 

"We needed to enter this club and they gave us something. We were drugged." He explained. He owned her nothing, but still... It felt like the proper thing to do.

"Did you ejaculate inside her?" She suddenly asked, clearly not giving a damn about what was appropriate.

"Teresa!" He said alarmed, keeping his voice down just barely. He looked around to see if the others had heard and the air came back to his lungs when he saw that they hadn't.

"Brenda is my friend. I am not disrespecting her by sharing those details with you. Can you understand that? No, of course you can't. You don't know anything about friendship."

"Friendship? Thomas this is more important than that. We are talking about the cure here!" 

"Yeah, right." He said with disbelief. Teresa truly had a gift for dehumanizing everything and everyone. He was a bit curious to know what her approach would be this time but not enough to stay and listen to her talking about- ejaculations.

"Thomas listen to me!" She begged, going after him when he started walking away. 

From afar, the others exchanged worried looks when they saw them leaving, but he locked eyes with Newt and let his friend know he just needed a moment alone with Teresa. He wouldn't be thrilled about the idea, but he would respect his choice and ask the rest to give them some space.

"OK, I'm listening." Thomas said once they got to the contiguous room.

Teresa took a deep breath and started talking.

"It's like I said, Brenda shouldn't be alive. Not after all those months without treatment. She should have turned, a long time ago in fact."

"So you think she's cured? How?" He asked, still didn't believing it could be possible. "Because we slept together? That's ridiculous Teresa."

"Thomas, for centuries we've taken from animals different compounds to develop our medicine. And not just plasma or stem cells, or DNA. We've been taking poison, bile-"

"Yeah but this is- semen you're talking about!" He interrupted her, once again trying hard to keep his voice down. He really didn't want anyone else listening to this.

Teresa regarded him with a stern look.

"Semen contains a variety of more than 50 compounds, including hormones, neurotransmitters, endorphins, and immunosuppressants, along with different proteins that have antimicrobial activity against bacteria and viruses." She argued.

"Not this virus! This is- this is insane Teresa."

"It's unheard of, I know that. But Thomas, we've already tested your blood. As soon as WCKD took us to that facility, they started running tests. Your blood had potential, so had Minho's, but- I don't think they're the key to finding the cure. Minho's blood wasn't." She said and now at least Thomas could see some emotion in her eyes. It was disappointment.

She really didn't care about them. Never did. And now she had the nerve to talk about Minho as if he was a failed experiment. Useless, disposable. Thomas really didn't feel anything for her anymore. How could he?

"You've gone mad, Teresa." He said, taking a step back to put some distance between them. "This search for the cure has become more than a priority to you, has become your everything. So much so that you can't even hear how illogical you sound."

"Me? Thomas you have a girl, who was clearly not immune, surviving the virus right in front of you! And you refuse to at least accept the possibility that it had something to do with you? Who's the one being illogical here?" She practically spit on his face.

She was frustrated, he could see that too. But more than that, she seemed hopeful.

And as he laid there on the street, in the middle of the riots, with his best friend on top of him asking him to kill him, he wished he could feel hopeful too. But what he felt, was desperate.

"I won't- do it Newt! Please!" He begged, as he fought his friend's hands.

Newt was losing his humanity. 

Thomas could hardly recognize the boy's face anymore. His eyes showed nothing of the tenderness he was so used to seeing in them. And his smile? It was gone. Replaced by clenched teeth ready to bite, to tear at flesh, at his own friend's flesh. 

But then, suddenly, there he was, the Newt he knew, the boy who put everyone else before himself. He had moments of lucidity. And in those moments, he pleaded to be killed.

"Please, Tommy, please!" He begged and Thomas felt his heart breaking. 

It was in that precise instant, that he actually considered Teresa's theory. She could be wrong. In fact, she most likely was. But… if there was even the slightest chance of her being right, Thomas had to give it a try. He had to save Newt, and Minho wouldn't be back on time. Even when he left it was already too late. The disease was far too advanced and the serum wouldn't revert that.

A cure was their only chance.

If he failed, Newt died. If he succeeded, his best friend would hate him forever. But at least he would be alive. 

So Thomas had to think fast. Improvise. If he was going to do this, he was going to need some leverage. To subjugate Newt somehow. And God, even if he wasn't saying it out loud, it sounded awful in his mind. But it was necessary.

So he threw Newt off of him in the first opportunity he got and he started running. He knew the boy would follow him, so he guided him out of the street and into an alley. It wasn't like they needed privacy, that hardly mattered at this point. But he needed a post lamp or any strong post where he could… tie Newt with something, and not being shot before he could save his friend would be nice too. So the alley was perfect. Dark, humid and disgusting, but perfect for their purposes.

So he ran fast, faster than he had ever run before, and by the time his friend reached their destination, he was ready. He was hiding behind a big trash container and when Newt passed by him, he put his foot on the way, making him trip and fall to the ground. 

"I'm sorry Newt." He said as he quickly took his belt off and went for his friend's hands.

Newt turned around fast, but before he could get up, Thomas placed a knee in the middle of his chest to hold him down. He grabbed his hands with difficulty and tied them together above his head. Now all he had to do was tie them to something, but the lamp post was still a few steps away from them.

"Damn it!" He cursed as he got up and started dragging Newt by his arms. 

It was almost impossible with him thrashing around, trying desperately to break free, and to bite Thomas's leg in the process. But finally he made it. He tied Newt's arms to the post and then he went for his legs. He needed to tie them too but- somehow keep them- spread. The thought made him feel sick immediately. He couldn't do this. He couldn't-

"Ugh!"

A kick to his stomach suddenly brought him back from his thoughts. Newt was throwing kicks and bites and pulling at the belt tying his hands. It certainly wouldn't hold him for ever. So Thomas had no time to hesitate. He had to act, and he had to act now.

So he lowered to the ground, and held down Newt's legs long enough to be able to sit on them. Now that his hands were free, he went for the boy's belt and undo it, slid it off from his pants and used it to tie one of his legs. Quickly, he got up, just barely avoiding a second kick from his other leg, and tied the other end of the belt to a metal bar on the side of the trash container. 

The position had to be extremely painful, Thomas knew that. The post lamp and the container were far enough apart, that in order to reach them with the belts, Newt's body had to be stretched out to its limits. His arms were too far back above his head, and Thomas wouldn't be surprised if he ended up dislocating his ankle. But this was necessary.

He would never be able to- do what had to be done, if his friend kept moving and thrashing around like he was doing. He just had to hurry up and do it already so he could untie him, or at least from that painful position, until the others came and they made it out of the city.

So Thomas descended above the boy before him once more, in all manners and appearance, a full-on crank, and started undoing his pants. But he realized then that his hands were shaking. 

It didn't matter that he was doing this to save him. He was about to rape his best friend. Because that's what this was in the end, wasn't it? He didn't have Newt's consent for this. He never asked for it. And Thomas should have.

He should have told Newt about Teresa's theory as soon as she told him. Maybe they would have laughed about it, cracked a few jokes. Or maybe they considered the possibility and Thomas sent her off with a sample after they rescued Minho. That way, if it turned out that Teresa was right, they would finally have a cure and they could administer it to Newt in the form of a serum, or something of the sorts. Not- like this. Never like this. Newt didn't deserve this.

But right now, it was the only way.

"I'm so sorry Newt." Thomas said as he started pulling his friend's pants down and his eyes filled with tears.

It was difficult, since one of Newt's legs was still free and moving wildly, but he managed to do it. His underwear came next and now Thomas had to look away. He grabbed the thin garment and pulled it down, off of his free leg and then left it pooled around the ankle of the other one along with the pants.

Through the corner of his eyes, however, he saw the black veins covering his exposed body, the grayish color of his skin, the deterioration of it. It only reminded him why he had to do this. So he went for his own pants, hands shaking so much that it seemed like the task would be impossible. But it wasn't. He managed to pull them down just to his knees and then he froze.

How was he going to do this? He had never done this with a man before, not that he remembered at least. And the time he did this with a girl? Well he barely remembered that also. He'd been so high.  
But, it didn't take a genius to figure out the basics and he was pretty sure that- lubrication was essential to not hurt the other person. And of course, being aroused was probably another key part. So far, both things seemed impossible to attain, but he had to try and he had to do it now. 

So he looked at his friend, his lean form laying half naked before him, and if it wasn't because he was still throwing bites, trying to rip any part of him off, he would look so... defenseless. So fragile. 

It made him hate himself for what he was about to do to him next.

"I'm sorry Newt, I have to." He said, feeling the tears he fought so hard to hold back, finally spilling from his eyes.

And he got closer then, more and more, until his thighs came into contact with his friend's spread ones, Newt's free leg still desperately trying to kick him off, but not as effectively as before now that Thomas was forcing it to remain wide open with his own body. And it was so strange, to feel his best friend's bare skin on his own in such an… intimate place. But he had no time, or right, to dwell on that. He had to hurry up.

So he sat back on his thighs and grabbed Newt by the hips to lift his pelvis a little up on his lap. Then he brought his right hand to his mouth and spat on his palm. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do. 

"This will hurt, Newt, I'm sorry." He said, voice cracking as he reached out to Newt's entrance.

And he couldn't look. As he inserted one finger past the tight ring of muscle resisting him, he couldn't look. 

The crank below him didn't seem to care. He kept growling and fighting his bonds as before, trying to break free so he could bite Thomas. Nothing more, nothing less. But if Newt was in there, somewhere… he had to be suffering.  
So Thomas wasted no time before inserting a second finger. Thanks to the spit, they weren't completely dry, but they definitely weren't entering with ease. So he took them out, spat on them again, and then inserted them back in. Newt suddenly moved and Thomas felt one of his nails scratching his inner walls.

"Damn it, Newt!" He yelled, hoping he hadn't hurt his friend too much. But that was just bound to happen, wasn't it? Now or later, there was no way he wouldn't hurt him.

A sob escaped his lips as he pulled out his fingers and wrapped his hand around his member. He needed to get hard, but how could he? He didn't want to do this to his best friend. He didn't find arousing seeing him like this, lying on the ground of some dirty alley next to a trash container, almost completely consumed by the damn virus, limbs bound, stretched out and waiting to be forcibly taken. 

No, he wanted to see him happy. Relaxed and smiling, like that first night on the Glade by the bonfire. Like those sleepless nights in the desert, when they would just lay next to each other and talk. If Thomas closed his eyes tight, he could almost see it. The little details that made those moments perfect. Like those little wrinkles below Newt's eyes when he laughed, his sand-like hair falling on his face now that it was a little bit longer. He had often caught himself wanting to arrange those wild locks behind his ears, but stopped just before embarrassing himself. And the way Newt's chest rose and fell ever so slowly when he slept? Yes, Thomas had also caught himself watching his friend sleep, wishing he could lay closer to him. Maybe even wrap an arm across his lean body and-

Damn! He was hard already.

He'd been moving his fist up and down languidly, without even realizing it, tightening his grip around the head of his manhood just like he usually did when he pleasured himself. But he had never masturbated thinking of Newt. He couldn't- he- he was his best friend. And yet, his erection didn't lie. Precum was leaking from its tip and he was ready.

He lined up his member towards Newt's entrance and before he could regret it, he pushed against it. He penetrated him, slowly, painfully. A cry left his lips and a growl left Newt's. But that could be just the crank wanting to eat him, he wasn't sure.

And it felt so wrong. That his body wouldn't care about his feelings of guilt, of self hatred, it was monstrous. He wanted to stay still a few more seconds to give Newt some time to adjust, but his hips didn't agree with him. They moved by pure instinct, and suddenly, Thomas was fully buried in his best friend's body.

"Nngh, Newt…" He whined at the feeling of Newt's impossibly tight passage engulfing his member. 

But it wasn't enough, he needed the friction.

So he leaned forwards, carefully placing his hands at each side of Newt's head, far enough to not get bitten. And then he started moving his hips back and forth. 

"Ahh… ahh…" He moaned with every thrust. He was disgusting. He wasn't worthy of Newt's friendship. He-

"Tommy?" A voice suddenly said and Thomas froze in mid-movement.

No. No no no no-

"What's happening?" The boy below him asked and he heard fear and panic where he'd never heard any. 

"I- I can explain-" He tried but Newt wasn't listening anymore.

"Tommy?" He asked again, pulling at his restrains, desperate to break free, maybe even more so than the crank in him before.

"Newt-"

"Thomas! Let me go!" He screamed looking down and seeing their joined bodies. "What are you doing?!"

"Is not what it looks like, Newt I promise! I can explain!" He pleaded but then… he could feel himself starting to go soft.

No. No, he couldn't- he had to finish this.

"Thomas!" Newt kept screaming but there was nothing he could do right now to calm him other than ask for forgiveness. 

"I'm sorry, Newt." He said sobbing. "P- please believe that I'm sorry." 

Yes, Newt would definitely hate him in the morning. But he would be alive to do so and that was all that mattered.

So he started moving again, faster than before. He couldn't get soft, he couldn't. He thrust his hips forwards with more force than he should, and then he heard a whine.

He thought it came from him but it hadn't. It came from Newt. 

His friend was still fighting his bonds but now Thomas could feel it, that he was getting hard against his abdomen. His eyes widened at the realization, but when he looked up to see Newt's face, he saw him crying. And something inside him broke.

His friend wasn't enjoying this. Damn, he wasn't enjoying doing this to him. But their bodies were betraying them. Sending fake signals of pleasure where there was none. It was only biology in its most primitive form. But maybe he could use that in his favor to make this agony end faster.

"Thomas, no! Stop!" Newt yelled at him when he reached down and closed his hand around his erection. "Why are you doing this?!"

"I- have to Newt, please- trust in me like you did before. In the maze, and- and everyday after that." He said pounding into him faster. Pumping his erection faster. 

They were close, he could feel that pressure building up in his abdomen just as he could feel Newt's tight hole spamming around him. He just needed a bit more- and then suddenly-

"Nnngh… Tommy…" He heard Newt moan. And he lost it.

He came hard. Harder than he ever remembered coming in his life. And he felt his best friend follow him. Newt spilled himself between their bodies and his hole closed around Thomas's member incredibly tight. 

And it was the best and the worst thing Thomas had ever felt.

He didn't have time to dwell on that though, because as soon as they finished, the full-on crank was back. He was trying to bite him again, all reason and senses gone, but he'd been expecting that.  
Brenda didn't cure right away. She got worse, and then she got better, so maybe this would take some time. Perhaps the serum Minho was bringing would help until then, but that was unclear.

So he pulled out from Newt but waited a few minutes before getting up and off of him. If he didn't, he might move too much too soon and his semen would leak out of him. If that happened, then all of this would've been for nothing. Damn, even if that didn't happen, this could all still have been for nothing. After all, this was only Teresa's theory. 

But dear God, Thomas hoped she was right.

**Author's Note:**

> So did you like it? 😃 I really hope you do and that you had a good time reading it as I had writing it. Hope you guys let me know what you think of it and if you would like a part 2! 😄 thank you so much for reading guys! Have a wonderful holiday!!!


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